Human Training Part 2

Finally they are learning, it is not about when you want to sleep but all about when I want my tummy rubbed.

Human Training Part 1

My dear followers. As you can see I have been busy retraining my humans. Here I have finally managed to get the message across that (no matter what it looks like when I yawn) that kitties only have a small mouth. Anyway, you don't eat your food without cutting it up first.

I could have learnt to use a knife and fork, but it was easier to get someone else to do it for me.

Yummy.... of course, I refused to eat that particular dish out of principal.

I Surrender.....

... to comfort that is. Nothing like the feel of a soft clean comforter. Luxury living at its felinest.

On that note, I have not been taking it easy all the time and I am sorry for not posting more often. You will see i have been busy with my training regime.

Kitty Physics

Today I want to share with you all some lessons in Cat Physics. Please read and understand the following laws. Do not feel that is it necessary to test each one unless you really want your cat to use the bed as a litter box.

Cat Physics

1. Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
:

All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

2. Law of Cat Acceleration
:

A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

3. Law of Cat Composition:


A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

4. Law of Cat Disinterest:


A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

5. Law of Cat Elongation:


A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

6. Law of Cat Embarrassment:


A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

7. Law of Cat Gravitation:


A cat's gravitational pull (i.e. weight) will vary upward in direct proportion to the desire of the human to move the cat.

8. Law of Cat Inertia:


A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

9. Law of Cat Invisibility:


Cats think that if they can't see you, then you can't see them.

10. Law of Cat Landing:


A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

11. Law of Cat Magnetism:


All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

12. Law of Cat Mass
:

The mass of a cat is inversely proportional to its desire to be picked up.

13. Law of Cat Motion
:

A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

14. Law of Cat Obedience:


As yet undiscovered.

15. Law of Cat Probability (Uncertainty Principle):


It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she might be.

16. Law of Cat Sleeping:


All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

17. Law of Cat Stretching:


A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

18. Law of Cat Thermodynamics:


Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

19. Law of Cat Washing
:

A cat will wash itself at any time which is appropiate, which includes especially the moment after something has been jumped and escaped.

20. Law of Concentration of Mass :

A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies.

21. Law of Dinner Table Attendance:


Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

Helpful Kitty!

Today I have been such a helpful kitty. You can see me here making sure the sheets were put back on the bed correctly. I was also instrumental in the proper mopping of the floors (by tracking in some dirt after the first attempt to make sure my owner did it right the second time) AND I really helped to clean up the kitchen - you can eat off the floor in there - - I do!

Blogging 4 U!

Just a quick blog update to let all my friends out there know that I have nothing significant to Meow about right now. Cat-ch up with you later.

I Got The Power!

What were the Apple designers thinking trying to disguise their power adapter as mice. I'm not that dumb, but on the other paw look at the mouse I caught in the living room tonight.

Open Door Policy

I have overcome the screen! Freedom to roam is mine for the taking. Meowvellous!!!

Window Shopping

On a nice sunny day there is nothing better than a bit of window shopping. I can pass many a pleasant hour mulling over domain and planing my next moves in world domination. Today I think i'll just enjoy the sunshine.

Fishing for Cats

I always thought that fish only lived underwater. But, every once in a while, there is a nice pink and purple striped fish that comes swimming through my living room. It's a good way for me to keep up my hunting reflexes :)

Who Won?

What do you mean it's all over? Three weeks in Kitty Camp and they happen to be the same three weeks as the World Cup! This is inexcusable, at least you, my beloved followers, could have sent me updates and let me know the score.

Well, as you can see I have taken over the remote control and I dare my owners to take it back. They can have three weeks with no sporting updates Ha.

Returned

As promised, I have returned. Three weeks of kitty camp and now I am back in the blogosphere.

My time away has not been wasted, and I have learnt may new techniques of political and social activism from my feline friends and fellow kitty campers. Already I am putting these lessons into practice - pretending to forgive my owners for leaving me so long - just let them wait Ha ha ha........