Sunday, July 25, 2010

Kitty Physics

Today I want to share with you all some lessons in Cat Physics. Please read and understand the following laws. Do not feel that is it necessary to test each one unless you really want your cat to use the bed as a litter box.

Cat Physics

1. Law of Bag / Box Occupancy

All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

2. Law of Cat Acceleration

A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

3. Law of Cat Composition:

A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

4. Law of Cat Disinterest:

A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

5. Law of Cat Elongation:

A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

6. Law of Cat Embarrassment:

A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

7. Law of Cat Gravitation:

A cat's gravitational pull (i.e. weight) will vary upward in direct proportion to the desire of the human to move the cat.

8. Law of Cat Inertia:

A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

9. Law of Cat Invisibility:

Cats think that if they can't see you, then you can't see them.

10. Law of Cat Landing:

A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

11. Law of Cat Magnetism:

All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

12. Law of Cat Mass

The mass of a cat is inversely proportional to its desire to be picked up.

13. Law of Cat Motion

A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

14. Law of Cat Obedience:

As yet undiscovered.

15. Law of Cat Probability (Uncertainty Principle):

It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she might be.

16. Law of Cat Sleeping:

All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

17. Law of Cat Stretching:

A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

18. Law of Cat Thermodynamics:

Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

19. Law of Cat Washing

A cat will wash itself at any time which is appropiate, which includes especially the moment after something has been jumped and escaped.

20. Law of Concentration of Mass :

A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies.

21. Law of Dinner Table Attendance:

Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

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