Cat Physics
1. Law of Bag / Box Occupancy :
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
2. Law of Cat Acceleration :
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
3. Law of Cat Composition:
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
4. Law of Cat Disinterest:
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
5. Law of Cat Elongation:
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
6. Law of Cat Embarrassment:
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
7. Law of Cat Gravitation:
A cat's gravitational pull (i.e. weight) will vary upward in direct proportion to the desire of the human to move the cat.
8. Law of Cat Inertia:
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
9. Law of Cat Invisibility:
Cats think that if they can't see you, then you can't see them.
10. Law of Cat Landing:
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
11. Law of Cat Magnetism:
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
12. Law of Cat Mass :
The mass of a cat is inversely proportional to its desire to be picked up.
13. Law of Cat Motion :
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
14. Law of Cat Obedience:
As yet undiscovered.
15. Law of Cat Probability (Uncertainty Principle):
It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she might be.
16. Law of Cat Sleeping:
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
17. Law of Cat Stretching:
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
18. Law of Cat Thermodynamics:
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
19. Law of Cat Washing :
A cat will wash itself at any time which is appropiate, which includes especially the moment after something has been jumped and escaped.
20. Law of Concentration of Mass :
A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies.
21. Law of Dinner Table Attendance:
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
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