Kristmas Kitty

Dear All,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Best wishes for 2011.

Clio

Staring Contest

Any takers?

Halloween

Happy Halloween!

I'm not sure what the holiday is, or why i have to wear this hat, but if I have to dress up again like this there will be consequences.

Art Project

I am kittie kristo, wrapping my house in a purple paradise of wool!

Human Training Part 2

Finally they are learning, it is not about when you want to sleep but all about when I want my tummy rubbed.

Human Training Part 1

My dear followers. As you can see I have been busy retraining my humans. Here I have finally managed to get the message across that (no matter what it looks like when I yawn) that kitties only have a small mouth. Anyway, you don't eat your food without cutting it up first.

I could have learnt to use a knife and fork, but it was easier to get someone else to do it for me.

Yummy.... of course, I refused to eat that particular dish out of principal.

I Surrender.....

... to comfort that is. Nothing like the feel of a soft clean comforter. Luxury living at its felinest.

On that note, I have not been taking it easy all the time and I am sorry for not posting more often. You will see i have been busy with my training regime.

Kitty Physics

Today I want to share with you all some lessons in Cat Physics. Please read and understand the following laws. Do not feel that is it necessary to test each one unless you really want your cat to use the bed as a litter box.

Cat Physics

1. Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
:

All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

2. Law of Cat Acceleration
:

A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

3. Law of Cat Composition:


A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

4. Law of Cat Disinterest:


A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

5. Law of Cat Elongation:


A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

6. Law of Cat Embarrassment:


A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

7. Law of Cat Gravitation:


A cat's gravitational pull (i.e. weight) will vary upward in direct proportion to the desire of the human to move the cat.

8. Law of Cat Inertia:


A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

9. Law of Cat Invisibility:


Cats think that if they can't see you, then you can't see them.

10. Law of Cat Landing:


A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

11. Law of Cat Magnetism:


All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

12. Law of Cat Mass
:

The mass of a cat is inversely proportional to its desire to be picked up.

13. Law of Cat Motion
:

A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

14. Law of Cat Obedience:


As yet undiscovered.

15. Law of Cat Probability (Uncertainty Principle):


It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she might be.

16. Law of Cat Sleeping:


All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

17. Law of Cat Stretching:


A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

18. Law of Cat Thermodynamics:


Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

19. Law of Cat Washing
:

A cat will wash itself at any time which is appropiate, which includes especially the moment after something has been jumped and escaped.

20. Law of Concentration of Mass :

A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies.

21. Law of Dinner Table Attendance:


Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

Helpful Kitty!

Today I have been such a helpful kitty. You can see me here making sure the sheets were put back on the bed correctly. I was also instrumental in the proper mopping of the floors (by tracking in some dirt after the first attempt to make sure my owner did it right the second time) AND I really helped to clean up the kitchen - you can eat off the floor in there - - I do!

Blogging 4 U!

Just a quick blog update to let all my friends out there know that I have nothing significant to Meow about right now. Cat-ch up with you later.

I Got The Power!

What were the Apple designers thinking trying to disguise their power adapter as mice. I'm not that dumb, but on the other paw look at the mouse I caught in the living room tonight.

Open Door Policy

I have overcome the screen! Freedom to roam is mine for the taking. Meowvellous!!!

Window Shopping

On a nice sunny day there is nothing better than a bit of window shopping. I can pass many a pleasant hour mulling over domain and planing my next moves in world domination. Today I think i'll just enjoy the sunshine.

Fishing for Cats

I always thought that fish only lived underwater. But, every once in a while, there is a nice pink and purple striped fish that comes swimming through my living room. It's a good way for me to keep up my hunting reflexes :)

Who Won?

What do you mean it's all over? Three weeks in Kitty Camp and they happen to be the same three weeks as the World Cup! This is inexcusable, at least you, my beloved followers, could have sent me updates and let me know the score.

Well, as you can see I have taken over the remote control and I dare my owners to take it back. They can have three weeks with no sporting updates Ha.

Returned

As promised, I have returned. Three weeks of kitty camp and now I am back in the blogosphere.

My time away has not been wasted, and I have learnt may new techniques of political and social activism from my feline friends and fellow kitty campers. Already I am putting these lessons into practice - pretending to forgive my owners for leaving me so long - just let them wait Ha ha ha........

Foiled

My plans for world domination are on temporary hold as I have been sent away to kitty camp. I shall return!

Big Plans

That skinny Mister Burns has nothing on me! I have truly big plans, monumental, stupendous, gargantuan...Power stations in Asia! The small mammals will all rise to do my bidding...

Greatest Striker

I am clearly the greatest striker playing in the world today. That beetle was toast! Those men chasing balls around can only envy my super-sharp reflexes, feline agility, ruthless grace and unerring focus. In the game of cat life there are NO referees and my every strike brings victory!

Caturday Meowsings

TGIC - Thank goodness it's Caturday, that special day of the human week where I am assured we felines are worshipped as we deserve. Not long meow my friends and everyday will be Caturday. Until that time arrives, here are some more human thoughts concerning us kitties:

“Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer."

-- Bruce Graham

"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast."

-- Unknown

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow."

-- Jeff Valdez

"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats."

-- Anonymous

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior."

-- Hippolyte Taine Beth

"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are Gods."

-- Unknown

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well."

-- Missy Dizick

Tele-Catferencing

There's nothing I like better than to crack open a kitty brew and bust the chops of my minions. This Tele-Catferencing is the wave of the future. Although skype sounds like a yummy sort of fish...

Hand over the Pen

Honestly I don't know why the human scorns my help. If she would just give me the red pen then I would grade all the exams in about 15 seconds. It is no problem that I have no thumbs, cats have prehensile tails, we just keep them concealed from the outside world. When the time is right then there will never be a need for grading ever again. WE will decide what needs to be done.

Spider Kitty

Most days the humans replace the hard shiny doors with the climbing walls so I can demonstrate my spider-like powers of climbing. Those geckos on the ceiling are almost in reach!

Meowtivational Thoughts

For my feline friends out there I have been meowsing on some substantial topics and now that I have arrived at the beginning of a felineosophy I want to share them with you. Here are the top principals that I hold dear and believe to be both self evident and irrefutable – until I change my mind.

1) For thousands of years cats have been treated as gods – never forget this is our proper place.

2) The SOLE purpose of humans on earth is to provide, food, shelter, grooming, warmth, affection, snacks, rubs, scratches, and monetary support for our wills, whims, needs, fancies, lusts, and desires.

3) Dogs come when they're called; as cats we should take a message and get back to them later.

4) One day, ignore your humans, another day smother them – keep them guessing, it’s fun to see their tiny brains try to keep up.

5) When in doubt - nap.

Meow down there.

So there I was, practicing how to get around the room without touching the floor- us cats have got to be ready for times of flood you know- and what do I find? A human! And she is sitting in my landing zone. It is so hard to train these bipeds not to jump up on the furniture or eat from the table that I am just about ready to give up. Needless to say, after a few sharp meows my human mother was more than willing to yield the soft landing zone to me. Another victory for kitty kind.

The bright flat thing

All of these flat humans dressed in bright colors moving around. Most of it bores me to no end. Especially the flat humans on the green surface. I just fall fast asleep, though I am occasionally woken up by shouting. Why? Why? Let sleeping cats lie. Once in a while the flat bright thing does keep me awake- I do almost find the humans hurtling down mountainsides slightly engaging. Faster!

I love rugs

Temperatures are dropping so it was about time my humans brought me home a rug. The red and orange sets off my white fur quite well- I approve their selection, but recommend that they carpet the other rooms of the house too. My tiny little delicate paws become pawsitively frozen as I stalk between my new rug and my food dish several feet away.

Friends for Dinner

Last night friends were invited for dinner. Lots of new smells and at least my owners clean up the house for me. It was interesting to meet David - don't I make him look like one of those movie masterminds.

Fortunately I only had to pose for one quick picture before I was able to escape. It was worth it for the attention.

Bye for now, meow meow meow I'm off to hatch my plans.

Staring Contest

Today's adventure was a staring contest. I won - the camera blinked first. Meowvalouse!

Thank Fark

Thank Fark (fark.com) for keeping up the underground meows with the newly formed caturday thread. Stories like this only help to advance the feline agenda.

Link Here

Attack

Breaking news:

This morning I was attacked by a Kamikaze bottle of hair conditioner as I contemplated the bathtub drain. Ha - as if I was not silky smooth enough already!

My followers can rest easy as such a feeble attempt to thwart my early morning meowsings of the human plumbing system will not succeed.

Cubbyhole Bubble Wrap.

Ah, this is the life. There is something so focusing about bubble wrap. the tiny bubble popping under paw - like a fine Champagne first poured into crystal. I have found a purfect place to contemplate my plans for world domination.

It's a purple paper day.

No matter how hard I try, I really can't think of anything better than a purple paper day. The way that the ribbon and shiny flecks set of my stunning eyes is fabulous. Not to mention the hiding under, walking over, running and jumping possibilities that it presents. Oh happy day.

What're you looking at? Leave me alone I have plans to make.

Meowsings on life

Meow meow meow - MEOW!

I have finally decided to become a proper cyber-kitty. I can't just rely on Amelia and Graham posting cute pictures - I have decided that my many fans and followers need a personal message from time-to-time. I have created this page to share with you my meowsings and contemplations.

Today I am torn between curling up on my favourite chair and roaming around the house. I probably have time for both but the decision is so tough I'll just lie on the bed and think about it for a while. The sunshine shining on the bed is nice.

Plans for world domination are not easy to dream up you know, not when there is so much sleeping to do.

So long for now - more to follow when I have the time.